yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
