We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
