Little spoons don't ask big questions
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
