dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
