My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
