No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
