As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
