I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Randomize
