she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
