Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I am naked and annoyed.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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