I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
