it was like his penis was on wheels.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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