ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
