oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
