now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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