All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
