he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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