Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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