I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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