woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
