I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
