by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Randomize
