he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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