I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
