whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
