So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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