I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
