I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
