The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
