oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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