the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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