Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
