I molested 6 butterflies tonight
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Blood and glitter go together right?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
