And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Randomize
