Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
