Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I checked into jail on foursquare
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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