Do vagina's smell?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
