it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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