just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Acid is not a monday night drug
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
