You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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