dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
