I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
we're making bets on your personal life
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
