We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
