I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
