All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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