Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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