??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Just high enough for therapy.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
