Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
