I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
