Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
