hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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