I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Randomize
