beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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