Well apparently he's into motor boating.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
