I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
