if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
