I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
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