He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
