I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
we should paint friendship bongs
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
