puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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