Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
